How to propose
Now with lesbians it can be either one of you who might propose. And with gay marriage getting on its way in parliament more ceremonies will be happening all over the county. If you know for a fact that you’ll be the one who get’s proposed to, sit back, relax, try not to envision a ring way out of your price range and eat some sort of delicious biscuit. But, if you’re the one planning on doing the asking then these are things that you now have to worry about.
If you’re planning on proposing it might be worth considering the person you’re going to be with. Not if you actually like them enough to marry them, that should have been done before now really, but whether or not they like big romantic throwing-pancakes-up-in-the-air grand gestures. Because if you get this first decision wrong, you could find yourself with a crying red faced girlfriend screaming ‘You just don’t understand me.’
A romantic gesture can be anything. For instance the man who proposed with everyone singing on the tube. Lovely for her, but for me, I am constantly in such a bad mood while riding the tube that I would hurl the ring back and demand that they get up off the diseased floor. Don’t do corny things like hide the thing in champagne or cake. And, if you don’t know basic health and safety, this is a choking hazard. Sometimes it’s just romantic if you ask her parent’s permission like they did in the old days.
The way you do it is important but where you do it is also a big part. A roller coaster, during sex, at her Grandmother’s funeral, in a Doctor’s surgery or in Tescos are not the best places. Unless of course you met at a supermarket so in that case get down on one knee in the biscuit and tampon aisle.
Why you’re proposing is also one to think about. Are you popping the question because you’re scared she’s going to go off with the new fit parcel delivery girl? Or maybe she asked you the dreaded question of ‘where is this relationship going?’ and you casually slipped a proposal into your answer so you’d never have the have the conversation again. It is worth to remember that getting engaged kind of means getting married and getting married kind of means you’re going to be together forever. Forever.
What she says back to you will either make you want to dance about with pasta on a ferris wheel of love, or send you crashing into the pits of despair and madness where you start dressing your cat up in fairy costumes for no reason. ‘Yes,’ is a good answer, or a very over the top ‘Oh My God, a million times yes, I love you so so much yes let’s start our lives together right now and eat bits of onions of each other naked yess! YES!’ can be very flattering.
The worse answers involve ‘No,’ ‘I’ll think about it,’ and ‘I’m already married,’ especially if the last answers comes with a side of ‘to your sister.’ But at the end of the lesbian day sometimes you’ve just got to go for it. So get down on a bended knee, show them the ring nestling in a silk box, while an aeroplane flies over with the proposal written in clouds and five hundred dancers fill the street with music, roses and doves and you sing Elton John to her and tell her she’s the luckiest woman in the world to be getting a future wife like you.