Failings in Life

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Dating the Boss.

Women complain and say that they want an easy life. And yet they constantly make it difficult by meeting people for drinking, eating and sexing, otherwise known as dating. And not just dating, but dating all the wrong types of people. Like your boss for example. And because I’m one of these stupid women, and have dated their boss I will give you my top tips. Anyone reading from my home town in Wales, you all knew, get over it, it’s been five years.

Step one. Before it all starts figure out if it’s worth the risk. Do you actually fancy this person. Has she got hair like Frankie on Lipservice and cleavage that looks like a grown child could fit into? Or is it just the power you find attractive. If it’s A, and you find yourself crying in the toilets because she’s just so damn fit and find yourself physically sitting on your hands to stop yourself touching her arse then move on to step two. If it’s the power thing then focus on the things that are unattractive about her. Is her skin a bit too tangerine? Do her eyebrows not match? Are her nails are a little too long? If so will it feel like you’re being fucked by wolverine if you get together? Carry on with a list similar to this until you no longer fancy her.

So if she’s gay, and you’re gay and you want to be gay together then you do have to abide by certain rules. You have to act professionally. Ish. And you have to decide how you’re going to act at work. At first you won’t be telling anyone so when the co workers are calling the boss a moody arse face ache of a woman, you’re going to have to bite your tongue hard to not say anything. The urge to staple things to their heads will be strong but try and resist it.

It’s all very well having amazing mind blowing sex on top of wardrobes with furniture polish at home, but in the office she is your boss. At some point she will have to tell you what to do. And as she won’t be naked at this point it won’t be half as fun to decline. You have to do what she says and she can’t give you any preferential treatment. And this part will be the hardest because she’ll treat you like everyone else at work and yet in the bedroom she may be caressing your hair and telling singing you lullabies about butterflies and bubbles.

Be wary of everyone else treating your differently. If you have co workers then they may think you’re shagging to get ahead. Be prepared for some cold stares, some hot tempers and some luke warm food in the cafeteria at lunch time. For me, I worked in a tiny place so there was no one to piss off around me. But there was a lot of gossip going around the village and I kept hearing whispers of ‘that ginger and her boss’ which made us sound like a new cartoon to be shown on nickelodeon.

It’s just an awkward thing to have to go through. As awkward as a colour blind person thinking they’ve solved a rubix cube. And it’s something to add on top of the list of other stuff you have to worry about when starting to date, like does she like your favourite sex position, does she like marmite, and does she cheat at scrabble. But if she’s worth it then she’s worth it. Just get ready for a lot of justification as to why you’re with her. BUT when someone asks you what is you prefer in your boss, never ever think it’s a good idea to reply with ‘My fingers’.

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8 thoughts on “Failings in Life

    Kelly said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    Oh god been there, got the stupid stupid tshirt!!

    Tamara said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    if you find ourself crying in the toilets!! I have such an image now of you crying in the toilets thinking about how hot your boss is! Hahahah

    Tilly said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Kind of sound advice…! and again with the furniture polish……..

    Morgan said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Haaaa the ending made me spit out my drink. So frickinng funnnyy!!!!

    Frankie said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    O0h god you’re hilarious.

    Kyla said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    again with the polish, and the srabble and the marmite. Haha we’re gettng to no a bit about you!!

    Layla said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    This one and your one on dirty talk are my favourites :D Brilliant magazine/blog.

    Karen said:
    July 30, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    I want to staple things to my co workers heads al the time. That will never change!

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