Diary of Lfest – Camping for Winners
So it’s the biggest lesbian weekend of the year and even two days later I feel dead, hungover and sunburnt and I’m pretty sure I’ve lost a pair of underwear. But what a weekend! Here is my diary of what I remember from the four days.
15:20 – Arrive at campsite with Izzie and Eleri and have no idea how to put up tent. Stare at it for twenty minutes before reaching for the vodka.
17:10 – See someone that you think is the girl you chat to on Twitter. Scream the name Becca across the campsite and hopes she looks round.
19:00 – Watch Lorna attempt to drink entire create on Strongbow before dancing in the silent disco and breaking her foot.
5:30 – Wake up with Charlie shouting ‘It’s five fucking thirty,’ Blurrily look at watch to see it is in fact five fucking thirty.
7:00 – Eat five donuts for breakfast.
7:45 – Bump into woman wearing strap on over her shorts. Drop sixth donut and wish that it had landed on the thing.
12:00 – Have drink to wake up.
12:25 – Sit in the mud with Lucy Spraggan and talk about girls.
13:40 – Consume entire jacket potato in under five minutes.
14:05 – Drop the weird bra insert that came with stupid bra in front of hot girl. Have an awkward moment while you pick it up, stuff it in your pocket without making eye contact and walk away.
14:12 – Go to toilets and shout at boobs (which incidentally are called Romeo and Juliet) for not getting their act together and growing enough.
17:30 – Dance madly with Becca and vodka to Kenelis. Try to look as cool as her shaking your hair like she does. Fail.
18:45 – Meet Horse and stutter how much of a fan you are.
19:11 – Realize you have mud in your knickers and don’t understand what when where or how.
21:00 – Sing along to the Killers in lacy dress in big top.
21:20 – Watch woman try to pole dance and strip down to grey underwear.
22:05 – Dance with Heads Hearts and consume lots of tequila, salt and lemon.
22:20 – Watch Becca pour entire salt shaker in to hand and wave it about.
22:25 – Get proposed to by complete stranger.
22:50 – Sit by Fire pit and watch entertainment. Tell embarrassing story about ex involving lamp and stitches.
23:00 - See said ex and stand with shocked expression.
23:04 – See that ex has very ugly girlfriend. Feel that you won.
6:00 – Wake up with hangover that feels like someone hitting a brick against your head.
6:15 – Eat seven donuts for breakfast.
6:50 – Attempt to comb knots out of hair.
7:10 – Give up and plait hair.
12:35 – Sing along too loudly to Elliot’s sleeping, realize you do in fact fancy Ella and discuss it with Becca who agrees.
15:20 – Embrace the sunshine. And embrace the crazy women mud wrestling.
15:40 – Have someone quote ‘Friday Sex talk’ quotes to you and realize you write way too much about your sex life on your website.
16:00 – Slip in mud dancing to Heads Hearts, making you look like you’ve shit yourself.
19:15 – Feel very happy watching LProject in the sun with Becca and Helen.
19:45 – Gasp at state of eyebrows.
20:55 – Play ‘I never’ and immediately regret it.
21:25 – Forget you’ve left your phone charging and run down to get it. Try to climb over fence quickly and do some sort of forward roll mud-in-hair somersault.
23:05 – Sign someone’s boobs.
00:10 – See friends coupling off, collapse into tent after one hell of an amazing weekend.
Rinse and repeat.