Once you’ve figured out you’re a lesbian and figured that you’re happy and figured that you want to actually find someone or figured that you might just want a gay friend it can be really difficult to figure out how to find the other people that have figured all this out too. Its like finding the nice green fruit pastels in the pack, you have to get through all the disgusting blackcurrant ones first.
First thing to do is obviously leave the house. You won’t find lesbians in your house unless you’ve put on the Lword or porn. And not just out out but just plain out. The gym maybe, where there’s lots of sweaty girls around running on the spot to MTV or the park where there’s some nice girl in a frilly dress chasing a frisby. Even going to the supermarket, you never know, you may bump into a beautiful dyke checking out the same vegan strawberry yoghurt you are.
Find out where the local gay scene is, and go there. Drag a friend, a cousin or go by yourself (drink a few tequila shots before you do this) and mingle. Try the phrases ‘hello’ ‘hi’ or even ‘How are you,’ but try stay away from ‘heyyy good lookin’ because this will get you a reputation as a creep and you may not be welcome next time. Gay scenes tend to be pretty small so you’ll probably meet someone who knows a lot of everyone else. And by know, I mean slept with.
Sometimes though you do have to remember that a lot of girls are straight. And not I-could-turn-them-I-bet-they-want-to-try-swinging-the-other-way straight. Just straight. They already got off the swing and landed in the arms of a Justin Timberlake lookalike. I swear to God if I find my friend sitting on the floor in front of the Lipservice, clutching onto a bottle of wine, drinking it through a straw, surrounded by four boxes of cakes and sobbing her heart out because she’s again found unrequited love with a straight girl again, I’m going to scream.
Theres the LGBT places like in unis and things. These groups meet up to go out, chat and its a great way of meeting similar-like-minded-I’m-gay-too-and-I’m-loving-the-rainbow-lifestyle individuals. Or online chatrooms or dating sites. However be very cautious of these as you might make a lovely new gal pal but it may turn out to be a 53 year old man from Crewe who likes eating his own socks. Such is the world.
Try prides when they’re on, wearing rainbow coloured stuff and coating yourself with glitter normally helps with this one. Even going to a party you might meet someone. But don’t stand on the side of the room like a confused watermelon, roll towards people and try and mingle as much as. Even if you hate it. Even say that to people and if you can, interrupt someone with saying that and a few people may pay attention told you and agree. The you can bond over warm beer and stale but sticky crisps.
Join a sports team or group. Here it’s the hockey and football teams that seem to be filled with the sexy sports girls but it changes in each city. Or just go and watch, then you can meet the team without being covered in mud and grass, unless that sort of thing does it for you of course. Other classes too like photography or writing. But you’r not going there to learn, don’t be coming out of class filled with inspiring ideas, theres a time and a place for that. You’re going to meet pretty girls. Or pretty teachers.
You need to just get out really. Anywhere. And of course this year get yourself to lesbian festival Lfest. The more people you meet, the quicker you’ll find yourself in the lesbian twisted web. So go out, kick up your heels, let down your hair and paint the town with gay rainbows.