Finding Them

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Once you’ve figured out you’re a lesbian and figured that you’re happy and figured that you want to actually find someone or figured that you might just want a gay friend it can be really difficult to figure out how to find the other people that have figured all this out too. Its like finding the nice green fruit pastels in the pack, you have to get through all the disgusting blackcurrant ones first.

First thing to do is obviously leave the house. You won’t find lesbians in your house unless you’ve put on the Lword or porn. And not just out out but just plain out. The gym maybe, where there’s lots of sweaty girls around running on the spot to MTV or  the park where there’s some nice girl in a frilly dress chasing a frisby. Even going to the supermarket, you never know, you may bump into a beautiful dyke checking out the same vegan strawberry yoghurt you are.

Find out where the local gay scene is, and go there. Drag a friend, a cousin or go by yourself (drink a few tequila shots before you do this) and mingle. Try the phrases ‘hello’ ‘hi’ or even ‘How are you,’ but try stay away from ‘heyyy good lookin’ because this will get you a reputation as a creep and you may not be welcome next time. Gay scenes tend to be pretty small so you’ll probably meet someone who knows a lot of everyone else. And by know, I mean slept with.

Sometimes though you do have to remember that a lot of girls are straight. And not I-could-turn-them-I-bet-they-want-to-try-swinging-the-other-way straight. Just straight. They already got off the swing and landed in the arms of a Justin Timberlake lookalike. I swear to God if I find my friend sitting on the floor in front of the Lipservice, clutching onto a bottle of wine, drinking it through a straw, surrounded by four boxes of cakes and sobbing her heart out because she’s again found unrequited love with a straight girl again, I’m going to scream.

Theres the LGBT places like in unis and things. These groups meet up to go out, chat and its a great way of meeting similar-like-minded-I’m-gay-too-and-I’m-loving-the-rainbow-lifestyle individuals. Or online chatrooms or dating sites. However be very cautious of these as you might make a lovely new gal pal but it may turn out to be a 53 year old man from Crewe who likes eating his own socks. Such is the world.

Try prides when they’re on,  wearing rainbow coloured stuff and coating yourself with glitter normally helps with this one. Even going to a party you might meet someone. But don’t stand on the side of the room like a confused watermelon, roll towards people and try and mingle as much as. Even if you hate it. Even say that to people and if you can, interrupt someone with saying that and a few people may pay attention told you and agree. The you can bond over warm beer and stale but sticky crisps.

Join a sports team or group. Here it’s the hockey and football teams that seem to be filled with the sexy sports girls but it changes in each city. Or just go and watch, then you can meet the team without being covered in mud and grass, unless that sort of thing does it for you of course. Other classes too like photography or writing. But you’r not going there to learn, don’t be coming out of class filled with inspiring ideas, theres a time and a place for that. You’re going to meet pretty girls. Or pretty teachers.

You need to just get out really. Anywhere.  And of course this year get yourself to lesbian festival Lfest. The more people you meet, the quicker you’ll find yourself in the lesbian twisted web. So go out, kick up your heels, let down your hair and paint the town with gay rainbows.

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15 thoughts on “Finding Them

    Esther said:
    June 25, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    Ha yeah its softball over here!

    Tom said:
    June 25, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Hockey hell ye! get on that team and you’re on it!!

    Sammie said:
    June 25, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    this is so so funny!!

    Eloise said:
    June 25, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Watermelon? lol! Fab article as per.

    Kelly said:
    June 25, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Really witty. I really like your writing.

    Mariana Arnett said:
    June 25, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    “First thing to do is obviously leave the house. You won’t find lesbians in your house unless you’ve put on the Lword or porn.”…… heyyyy, you talking to me? huh? lololol LOVED.

    Briany said:
    June 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Or just go and watch, then you can meet the team without being covered in mud and grass, unless that sort of thing does it for you of course. — your festish things are getting worse. Such a good blog.

    Heather said:
    June 25, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    I agree with the get out of the house approach. Do NOT try to find people (friends or relationships) online. You’ll find a lot of old straight men mascarading as lesbians and straight couples who want to try their hand at threesomes! Oi. Nothing meaningful there. Grab yourself some liquid courage and head for the gay bar!

    Glitterwhore said:
    June 26, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Amazing, funny and Cheerful advice (considering going through the “blackcurrant fruit pastels” can hurt like a bitch sometimes!) hmm.. you’ve given me a few ideas of new ways to meet people other than on a Friday might in the kremlin or through my lesbian group “out and about” :L thanks! :) Great blog :) x

      effimai responded:
      June 26, 2012 at 2:06 pm

      You have a lesbian group called out and about? that is just amaze :) yes defintely, blackcurant pastels are bitches. Thank you :) E x

    Mariana Arnett said:
    June 30, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    F is for, “Fuck! Where did you go?” I miss the Friday Sex talk.

      Tara said:
      July 2, 2012 at 10:37 pm

      Effi’s not been well :( We’ve just put an interview up for her but she should be writing again this week xx

        Mariana Arnett said:
        July 2, 2012 at 10:51 pm

        Hugs to Effi! Thank you for the response, Tara.

    Grace said:
    July 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    I love this article. and this site. <3

    2 Girls Getting Married said:
    July 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    “And by know, I mean slept with.”

    Hahahahaha! That was SO my experience when I first got to college in undergrad. I had just come from a bit in the U.S. military when Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was still in place, so I got to college and was like “whaaaat?!?!?” I was so excited I could be out and get to know lots and lots of lesbians…and then I found out that to “know” meant exactly what you just described. Sigh. Eventually I worked it all out and got to “know” a few myself. LOL

    Anyhow, thanks for the ‘like’ on my posts. I think I shall follow this blog now… :)

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