Friday Sex Talk

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Porn.

The big one (Not like that, ew gross), the big subject that is watching people doing it on telly, looking at snapshots of people doing it in a magazine or watching people doing it on a website before your parents come and in and you slam the laptop shut . Otherwise known as porn.

From my very in depth research (scrolling through Google, watching reruns of LipService and swigging tequila) I’ve found that the internet is pretty much split down the middle on the subject. There is a lot, and I mean a lot, of feminist opinions on how it disgraces women, makes them into sex objects, makes them look stupid and glorifies men. I was going to protest but then I found a video of a man acting as Jesus fucking a woman dressed as a bumble bee.

Anti-pornography feminists are of the opinion that pornography contributes to sexism. But there is a demand for it. An obviously massive demand for the amount of sites out there. It was like strolling through disgusting naked quite fat people valley once I typed in the four letters. My problem with it, is that I think that some couples or even single people try and act out or copy what they see on the dirty screen and this causes problems. If you’re out in the big wide world looking for a blonde-haired-big-boobed-tanned-bunny-ears-wearing girl then you’re really going to struggle. Especially if you live somewhere like Crewe.

I don’t like porn. Now this isn’t me being prude, I mean my bedroom looks like I’ve ram raided Ann Summers. It’s the fact that I am a lesbian and all lesbian porn out there seems to have been made for men. Firstly, they have long nails which is probably why they scream so loud, because the sharpness of the talons inside you must feel like someone shooting a staple gun up there. Secondly, they make the most ridiculous noises even when nothing is happening. One could have duct tape wrapped around their bits and the other could be hitting them lightly with a dead badger and they’d still be screaming with pleasure.

Thirdly, is that normally a man comes in half way through. Now you just know those two girls, however fake, were probably having a good enough time by themselves, before the teacher/boss/Jesus bumble bee showed up. But no he has to just wade in between them, cock flapping around and show off and grunt things like ‘Let me fill you.’ I felt dirty just writing that last sentence.

Asking people through the site, twitter and out in the 3D world most people were agasint it, or maybe they just didn’t want to tell me. One of my best friends Rhi had this to say which I think sums up a lot of opinions of those I’ve talked to.

“Honestly, I hate it! The fact that most of society has conformed to porn being so acceptable these days has completely taken the excitement & sassiness out of the industry. It only takes a few clicks before you can be seeing girls ejaculate further & faster than a dolphin on cocaine or two girls using Mr Whippy in an unforgivable way(I think y’all know what I am talking about)…what happened to the good old days where a certain photograph was wrapped up in your newspaper along with the usual pipe tobacco & mints? (No, I wasn’t born in the 60’s but I can imagine what it was like) That buzz you got from masturbating over the glance at a nipple peeking out of a feather bower in those days is way more exciting than any cunt-in-camera action will give you. Put the KY & laptop down…throw on your farmer shirt & chinos. Spray yourself with lynx(because those adverts clearly give you false hope. I’ve tried & the only models coming towards me were made out of lego…result) and head on down to a gay club to get some real fucking action even if her name is Dave/Candice, it will no doubt be better than porn!”

But then if you do like it then fair enough go for it. Lock the doors and close the curtains (no one, ever needs to see that) and watch it until your heart and vagina is content. I think it can be really arousing for some people and especially for couples who might have lost their spark, it’s a way to try something new, like learning how to incoperate toys, different positions, dressing up as smurfs or as Rhi so lovingly put it, finding ways to ejaculate further & faster than a dolphin on cocaine.

I will say that it just shocks me how easily people can get hold of it. I don’t think it degrades people as such, well it does, but it’s the folk’s choice whether to do it or not. And it is a fantasy at the end of the lesbian day. A dirty, rude bumble bee fantasy that someone wants to be part of. I’ll open up the floor to anyone who has any comments…

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37 thoughts on “Friday Sex Talk

    Chelsea said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Well first let me ay, really funny piece. You’re writing cracks me up so much in the mornings. And secondly I’mwith you on the whole lesbian porn thing, but there are channels out there that make it so much better. Ones that are just tailored towards girls. But I get why you hate it too. There’s no need to see a mans bits when you’re trying to watch some girl on girl action! Really good post.x

      effimai responded:
      June 22, 2012 at 8:51 am

      Thank you. :) more women directors needed!

        SWAGGERJAGGER said:
        June 22, 2012 at 10:02 am

        AT YOUR BACK ALWAYS F F YEA THEY WOULD<3 IT INSTEAD OF WATCHING WHY DON'T THEY TRY IT A………..SHE SAY LISTEN U LOL XX YOU @effaimai

    Daniel said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:41 am

    ‘because the sharpness of the talons inside you must feel like someone shooting a staple gun up there; Nearly fell out of bed laughing! hahahaah amazing post.

    Harry said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Dave/candice – hmm sexy..

    Georgia said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:43 am

    I like porn, however yes I get what Rhi is saying, you can get it anywhere! and it’s so available to everyone. More women directors need to stand up and take charge and put proper lesbians infront of the camera!

    Lesley said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:49 am

    Yes lock the door and close the curtains! very important!! and don’t put it on so loud that your nneighbour can hear you!!

    Kelly said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:49 am

    This had me laughing so much!! omg

    damienbeowulf said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:50 am

    I don’t think it degrades people, because the people in the porn industry choose that life, they bring themselves to that level. While i do not believe it is evil or any of that moral mumbo jumbo, i do believe they degrade themselves in doing it. I personally find porn largely boring, but love reading a well written erotic story. Maybe if porn wasn’t so fake it might be fun but i take well written fiction over halfassed done sex clips any day.

      effimai responded:
      June 22, 2012 at 8:53 am

      Yes same! Erotica can be so much better over a girl who is so clearly not a teacher/schoolgirl/ etc pretending to enjoy it when in a book you can actually imagine it. x

        damienbeowulf said:
        June 22, 2012 at 8:56 am

        Well in my opinion i prefer it be a boy xDD

          effimai responded:
          June 22, 2012 at 9:02 am

          school boy* Hahah :D

            damienbeowulf said:
            June 22, 2012 at 9:08 am

            xDD my RL fince was a catholic schoolboy -ponders- hehe

    Sally said:
    June 22, 2012 at 8:54 am

    “One could have duct tape wrapped around their bits and the other could be hitting them lightly with a dead badger and they’d still be screaming with pleasure.” You have a warped mind effi!! an amazingly warped mind! but how funny my god.

    Grace said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:09 am

    The bumble bee thing is just too weird….

    Lianne said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Your bedroom looks like you’ve ram raided ann summers!?! nice! ha

    Frances said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:32 am

    really liked this blog post xxx

    SWAGGERJAGGER said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:45 am

    HA OP MAYBE# LIPSERVICE NOT ENOUGH TRY HA B4 U DENY

    SWAGGERJAGGER said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:49 am

    HA TASTE&TRYB4U BYE OPINION BANG LOUD&PROUD ME

    Sara Hannans said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:55 am

    But if porn wasn’t freely avaiable how many people do you think would suscribe to the ridiculous prices? Very good article.

    SWAGGERJAGGER said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:55 am

    HAHA F FRIDAY IS THIS YOUR DAY 4 IT YEA UKNOW HOW MALE F THEN 4GET LOL

    Erin said:
    June 22, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Shit is this funny! Love this blog. Am going to go read everything now :D

    Nat said:
    June 22, 2012 at 10:17 am

    What are the comments above? I cant read them!! ‘especially if you live somewhere like crewe’ that had me in stiches!

    Paige said:
    June 22, 2012 at 10:18 am

    “There is a lot, and I mean a lot, of feminist opinions on how it disgraces women, makes them into sex objects, makes them look stupid and glorifies men. I was going to protest but then I found a video of a man acting as Jesus fucking a woman dressed as a bumble bee.” Just amazing writing. You really do have a talent.

    Glitterwhore said:
    June 22, 2012 at 11:33 am

    I think it’s human nature for people to be turned on by something they feel is wrong (in a dirty way), the accessibility of porn nowadays has ruined that sense of danger… I think for a lot of people the media is that filled with similar sex scenes we’ve become desensitized, therefore it does nothing for many people… (similar to what your friend said about the nipple peaking out of the feather bower… LOL) Real life and realistic sex is far better ;)

      effimai responded:
      June 22, 2012 at 11:38 am

      Very true statement! Yeah it really does nothing for me. Thats probably the reason! I need to get out the house obviously :)

    Spencer said:
    June 22, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Put the KY and the laptop down. True dat :D haa good post.

    Louise said:
    June 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Fuck this is funny!! Best thing I’ve read in ages!!

    Kim said:
    June 22, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    I love porn. Porn porn porn porn porn. Ha.

    Zoe said:
    June 22, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    The girl in the picture looks terrified! And the comment above me may be the best ever ever!!

    Fiona said:
    June 22, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    My favourite website <3 I want you to be a proper magazine!!

      effimai responded:
      June 22, 2012 at 5:18 pm

      Ah thank you :) E x

    Mariana Arnett said:
    June 22, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    You are so talented it almost hurts. If only porn was half as good as you are funny the world would be a better place. Porn just kinda bores me. Why can’t the soundtracks be updated? It’s 2012, and still, the background music sounds like smarmy 70′s jazz. Sometimes I expect the Tijuana Brass to pop out from behind the serape room divider, complete with corn cob smiles under greasy handlebar mustaches. The part that really makes me cringe is the very moment the panties drop, you hear fake oooohs and ahhhhs like they are having an orgasm on Jupiter. They should at least warm up to it for, uhmm, I don’t know, 10 seconds? And, of course, they can’t “finish it off” with only two ladies, oh no. The man must always appear because sex just can’t be done properly without them. :/

      Effi responded:
      June 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

      Ah yes I should have mentioned the music! I think I’m going to do porn part 2 next week since so many people have sent me messages about it! Thank you for the compliments as always. Yess like, no you’re not aroused so stop pretending it’s embarrassing. Yeah I think the man things annoys me more than anything!

        Mariana Arnett said:
        June 23, 2012 at 6:15 pm

        DO IT! Part 2

    Kyle said:
    June 23, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    This is so funny

    wendy said:
    September 11, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    amazing post. I love your writing :) best lesbian blog ive read by far!

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