Friday Sex Talk

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Reasons we have sex (– part one!)

Yes I am aware it’s Saturday but the Lip Service review will take up my next few Fridays, so Friday sex talk will be Saturday. Ok, moving on.

So this week I managed another spectacular fail in my life. I normally avoid everything that could possibly hurt me; bungee jumping, go-carting, generally just going outside. So on Tuesday I tripped in my own flat and catapulted myself into a cabinet and got two stitches. So as I was screaming every swear word I knew and clutching my head dramatically, I found myself wondering what could distract me from the pain. The first thing that came into my head bizarrely was sex. So that got me thinking to the many reasons that people throw each other down and make sweet love.

So obviously the first reason is that you hit your head on a cabinet and needed something to take the pain away because you can’t imagine that anything else will. I think it can work for anything, except maybe a groin injury because that would just heighten the pain. An orgasm surely takes your mind off whatever pain your feeling.

It’s not just jammed-your-hand-in-a-toaster physical pain either, but emotional pain too. The rebound sex has to be one of the most common reasons for a person to sleep with another. The she-left-me-for-the-ugly-decorator-and-now-Im-going-to-get-revenge speech while you’re crying into your double-vodka-and-coke can be quite a turn on to some people. If they think they can deal with you probably imagining your ex while you have sex and you feel like sex with someone else will help the dire situation then why the hell not.

And then maybe you are in a lot of emotional pain, but then the person that pays you attention is famous. Your pain then might go straight out the window. If a woman who you fantasize about, read about, cut out pictures of or follow around (this is tad stalkerish just saying) walks up to you, I doubt that you’ll say no. Imagine if Katherine Moenig came up to you covered in white chocolate and asked you to go to town. See? You’re really not going to say no. That would be rather silly. Ok, now stop imagining and read the rest of this article.

Continuing with the rebound theme, you may be out, looking all hot wearin sequins and looking all sexy when you bump into your ex. So obviously the mature thing to do is down a few very colourful-full-of-e-numbers shots, lean over to someone hot and offer them a sex on the beach while licking your lips. And if you’re not in a film then down some tequila, grab the nearest lesbian and kiss the face off them. Drinking will make you want to take down someone’s pants. It’s just a known fact in life. It’s the reason so many people wake up in the morning silently shouting and widening they’re eyes at the troll they managed to be naked with.

If you’re actually in a relationship though then in bed your partner might just roll on top of you, but even if you’re not in the mood then you’ll do it anyway because it’s just easier than having THAT argument (why have you gone off me, why are you sleeping with your teddy rather than me etcetera). And once you get into it you’ll probably enjoy it and end up high fiving yourself for some excellent loving.

Other times, it can simply be the fact that you can’t sleep. There is nothing worse than someone sleeping blissfully away if you’ve had three cans of coca cola and your eyes won’t even shut. If you’re just lying there, looking up at the dark ceiling, twiddling your thumbs and you’re still not getting an orgasm though it might be time to push them off you.

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11 thoughts on “Friday Sex Talk

    Hannah M said:
    April 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

    oh the rebouund thing! sure way to have regretable sex! Funny post x

    Penny said:
    April 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

    This is so funny. Can’t wait for part two!

    Tom said:
    April 28, 2012 at 11:10 am

    This is so true!

    Sarah g said:
    April 28, 2012 at 11:14 am

    “Imagine if Katherine Moenig came up to you covered in white chocolate and asked you to go to town. See? You’re really not going to say no. That would be rather silly. Ok, now stop imagining and read the rest of this article.” You make me laugh so much! Just read ALL your posts. excellent :-)

    Roisin said:
    April 28, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Best friday sex post yet!! :P

    Lacey said:
    April 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    This is really good. You have such a nice way of writing.

    Haylz said:
    April 28, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    How, just how did you fall into a cabinet??! LOL

    Kia said:
    April 28, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Good blog post as per. This one will have at least eight parts I think! SO many reasons lol.

    Fancy face said:
    April 30, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Excellent blog! After reading this post (and stubbing my toe!) I’m going to jump on my peacefully sleeping fiancée ;-) for medicinal reasons obviously!
    Keep it up and can’t wait to read you over at CCL 😊

      effimai responded:
      April 30, 2012 at 3:51 pm

      Hahaha this made me laugh! Thank you :) xx

    Friday Sex Talk | F is forr... said:
    January 18, 2013 at 5:05 pm

    [...] I wrote part one ( of this quite a while ago now so I thought it was definitely time for part two. Last time, I wrote [...]

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