Falling for the unrequited

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The only reason I can write this is because I’ve already done it. The cringy awkward moment when a year later you cannot believe that was you acting that way and you hope that you were possessed by something.

The first phase you can just about to get away with. A few phone calls, a couple of txs, maybe the odd email is understandable. You’re showing your keen and not playing the whole playing-hard-to-get-I’m-not-phoning-you-until-you-phone-me type of game. Its healthy and mature.

But this can easily slip into the not acceptable phase two. If you’ve left over ten voicemails and phoned too many times to count then they are really not interested and you need to TAKE A HINT. And don’t use the excuse ‘they must have been in a terrible accident’, because you WOULD have heard about it off someone. Also on that note, if your ringing hospitals, doctors, surgeries, even dentists then it’s time to hide the phone and go and play with some crayons to calm down.

Phase three is the stalking phase. Facebook, Twitter, even an old MySpace can be looked at by anyone. Trawling photos for other people that may be involved with your person and reading statuses from weeks back hoping that you don’t see someone-that-could-be-more-than-a-friend tagged in them. This can waste hours of your precious time when you could be out meeting new people. But by now you’ve probably forgotten that other people exsit. I’ve even once said hello to someone I thought I knew, but it turned out she was one of the ‘friends’ of the person I was stalking and she was a complete stranger. This is the phase you start to look a little mad. And by ‘little’ I mean a lot.

The final phase is the worst by far. ‘Accidently bumping into them,’ That means going out of your way completely to see them. And no matter how good your acting is, they will know. The ‘Oh Hi, I didn’t know you walked down this side street at 1:35 every day before going to get a sandwich from the cafe over there, what a surprise!’ never works and they will know and possibly take out a restraining order.

Sometimes it’s just too easy to slip from one phase to the other without even realizing it. Before the time comes to build a shrine or make a voodoo doll and go completely deranged take a step back. And then another one. and then one more. And then keep reversing until you can hear their name without bursting into a teary monologue. Or find someone new to obsess over so the whole circle can start again. It’s much safer that way

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19 thoughts on “Falling for the unrequited

    Penny said:
    April 17, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Oh god I’ve done thiss…ah cringe. Really funny.

    Tammi said:
    April 17, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Everyones acted this way from time to time but you just pointed it out!! Brill.

    Lauren Jones said:
    April 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Oh when you look back and you see that actually…they were really effing ugly. Love this blog!

    tina said:
    April 17, 2012 at 5:15 pm


    Ellen Harry said:
    April 17, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    You should write these in a column or something! X

      effimai responded:
      April 17, 2012 at 8:40 pm

      Thats the plan! Ha thankyou :)

    Lauren Jones said:
    April 17, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Haha fab as per x

    Elsie said:
    April 17, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    What’s cute is that you don’t even know how funny you are!

    Jody Hughes said:
    April 17, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Please get these published in a manuel and I’lll buy it. How to be a lesbian!

    Jen said:
    April 17, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    Do you know someone Tweeted to Zoe Lyons about this blog?!

    Nat said:
    April 17, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    Ooh Cringe

    Gabby said:
    April 18, 2012 at 12:21 am

    Ha fantastic blog. Will be putting this in my faves. Very impressed.

    Nadine said:
    April 18, 2012 at 5:27 am

    You should apply for like curve or diva or something. It would be ace to read you in a magazine!

    lcamyopinion said:
    April 18, 2012 at 6:22 am

    Damn! You mean that girls do this stuff too???

    Love ur style F. :)

      effimai responded:
      April 18, 2012 at 6:40 am

      Haaa yes, guilty! Thank you :D x

    Rachel M said:
    April 18, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Brilliant brilliant brilliannnnttt!

    Cerys said:
    April 18, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Love this blog – A LOT

    Nothing Nice, Nothing Sweet! said:
    April 18, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    It seems possible I may have hung on your every word, considered reading every one of your post and then thought about looking you up on fb. Then decided that might be a bit much after just one read.
    I love a brilliant blogger. So wordy and so wise.
    Well done.

      effimai responded:
      April 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

      You’ve read every one of my posts! mother of god dedication!! Im not really an fb girl, more of a twitter lover/obsessor. (its effmai on twitter if you have it) Thank you so muchh for the kind words!xx

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